to the boys who play games

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let me start by saying i liked you. A LOT. we’re talking “middle school crush, sick to my stomach nervous when i see your name on my phone, way too excited when you invite me over”. and whenever we were together, it seemed like you felt the same way. everything was perfect. everything was just how i’d always imagined falling in love.

until it wasn’t. until you decided you wanted the upper hand in whatever our “relationship” was so you started playing games. like you took hard-to-get to a whole new level. you must have missed the part in all those cosmo articles about how the games should stop once you’ve gotten the girl.

so here we are. or rather, here i am, the embarrassing cliche of the girl who knows she’s being played but can’t walk away.

i know this is all pure fun for you. you get to have me whenever you want without any effort on your part now.

i know what you get out of it, the ego boost, the arrogance. i know that you think you won because i fell for you and all of your games.

i know all of that now. but there are some things you will never know.

you will never know what it’s like to be ignored after you told me i was beautiful and perfect.

you will never know how much it hurts to feel so high and then so low in the same day. all because of you.

you will never know about all of the nights i’ve cried on the floor in my room because i felt like i wasn’t thin enough, wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t good enough for you.

but most of all, you will never know me, how much i have to offer, how big my heart is.

you will never know what you just lost.

 

 

 

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